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My boyfriend and I un-moved in together and it was the best decision - HelloGiggles

Living Together After Two Months Of Dating

The MeFi community could benefit from hearing from members of color about your experiences on the site. How do I feel better about my boyfriend not wanting to live together? Please help me think about this in a more constructive way, and help me move on from toxic thoughts about his lack of desire to live with me. My long-term boyfriend and I are generally a very, very happy couple. I love him dearly. However, his indecision about moving in together followed by his ultimate decision to not move in together have really hurt me. A brief timeline: August I say to the boyfriend, "Hey, my roommate's getting married, and I'm going to move out off my place. Relationships: One Month Vs. One Year

Aron, A. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, Stafford, L. Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24, Stanley, S. Sliding versus deciding: Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect.

Dating for 3 years and not living together

Family Relations, 55, Joel, S. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39, Basically a guy in the western gyno-gulags with anything to lose shouldn't even risk talking to a woman not a salesclerk, waitress, or secretary without having his lawyer present.

Because feminism is so empathological. That applies to women as well, and has nothing to do with feminism. Well, except that it's as disadvantageous for the woman as it is for the man. Feminism is, as you know, the notion that women and men should have equal rights, responsibilities, advantages and disadvantages.

My partner is a night owl; I'm a morning person. We have different standards of tidy and clean. We are both introverts, and need a lot of down time. We talk several times a day and are together every weekend. Yes, there are logistical issues around when we will be at whose house given x or y activities especially since we have a dogbut as the article notes, we are more intentional and focused when we are together.

We are talking about getting married sooner and moving in together later. Some of that is about taking care of each other as we get older, some is about finances. We'll see. For now, it ain't broke, so we're not fixing it. I am very impressed by your arrangement. On some levels I think this takes MORE commitment than a typical living together relationship would take, since the two of you have taken the time to really consider each other's preferences and needs and make sure your living situation fits that as closely as possible.

This reflects the care and commitment you have for one another. I wonder if this applies to couples who are in a similar living status. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I have my own apt and so does he. However, I mainly stay at his place than mine. My sister lives with me, so staying with him gives us quality time but also time away from my sister; living with girls is HARD!

My partner and I have been in a LAT relationship for many many yrs, and we are proof that it can work, and that it actually makes for a much better relationship. I don't have children, he does. I did not feel I should be forced to help raise, and take on partial responsibility of someone else's kids. If I had wanted children I would have had my own.

But we also did not want our different views and opinions of children to be an obstacle or hindrance in what could be a great relationship for us. So we found that living apart enables him to parent his children in anyway he sees fit, to spend as much time with them as he sees fit, to be fully responsible for them without expecting me to share that responsibility, etc. This has worked out perfectly for us. We respect each other's boundaries.

We don't have fights about money or kids or chores etc We also live close enough together geographically that spending time together doesn't involve fighting rush hour traffic or driving across an entire city. But we are as committed, and exclusive to one another as any married couple. We are always there for one another, we help each other out when ever the need arises, we have a joint bank account and joint credit card, we make decisions together, we plan our future together, etc.

When living apart, Jordan and I were truly dating. We'd Living together meant no mystery. Living together with no casualties is hard work!.

If one of us is sick we stay together in one of our houses temporarily to take care of the other one. We always check in with one another on a regular basis and always now where the other is, just like most couples who live together For example, if he tried to get me and couldn't reach me for a certain period of time he'd come by my house to check on me to make sure I'm ok. Vice versa. This type of relationship is not for everyone, but for us it works, and it works well.

And it seems to have gotten so much better as the yrs have rolled on.

I'm so glad I found this! I know it has been years since you posted- is the arrangement still working out for you? I have a daughter from a previous relationship and my husband has two kids. I hate large houses, and I never wanted a large family.

I mean, 3 and a half years, really, is enough to decide whether . Not living together after dating for isn't necessarily a big deal, but it. My answer may probably be influenced because of my perspective, but dating together for three years and not living together or being engaged. By choosing not to live together, LAT couples may have found a way to help prevent their self-expanding activities that reduce boredom and increase satisfaction.3 Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I have.

We've been living together for 7 years now, but if I could have my way, we would both be in smaller houses right next door to each other. I love my husband; I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But we both work and the only time I see my daughter alone is 4 nights out of every week because his kids are over one night a week, every week, and every weekend that I have my daughter, they're here.

They aren't bad kids or anything I just never wanted 3 kids and now I find myself constantly with a dirty kitchen, so much laundry, and a huge house to clean and maintain. I'm an artist and I have no room to be an artist because every room is taken up by the husband and kids. If we both had smaller 3-bedroom houses next door to each other, I think I'd be sooo happy!

Less mess, less laundry, and I'm an introvert. He would get quality time with his kids, I'd get quality time with mine I just think it'd be the perfect arrangement for now. Later, when we are older and the kids are gone, we could try co-habitating again. I have the same issues he has kids, I dont. We live 2gather now but im considering my own space. I just dont know how to start the conversation.

I love the positive post regarding your situation as my situation is nearly the same, except my husband has the FT legal custody of his very troubled Living together after being married only in April this year too I might add proved too stressful as my husband seemed to back, support and defend his kids he has two others as well who didn't live with us but who expect to be financially supported but are old enough to live independently over his own wife.

I couldn't cope with feeling like my feelings or opinions in our marriage wasn't being considered particularly seeing it was my house they moved into and my thoughts on rules etc wasn't being considered.

I felt like I had to fight to be heard and considered and even my step son said" it's nothing to do with you and I was just the step mother" His words said to all. I asked them to leave. But we are slowly rebuilding and they both live in a rental not far from me.

I feel so disconnected though and hate only seeing him at nights for sleep overs. We rarely do anything as he says he needs to supervise his son recently threatened self harm With no plan to do it. Just threats And it works as he gets attention from it.

So I was interested in how you manage your joint account. And the joint credit card. If you both live separately why do you need it and how do you use it? The thing that's making it hard for me is the disconnection I feel financially as well as physically as being husband and wife as we live our own lives and nothing other than seeing each other connects us. I honestly feel we are just back to dating again and I'm nothing more than his girlfriend.

As someone who grew up in a LAT relationship for the most part I think it is quite nice. The only downside for me personally is I don't know what category to put my mother's partner in. Just typing partner feels wrong, boyfriend also sounds wrong, and since they aren't married he's not my step dad or a husband. He will come over to my mothers house almost every night for dinner then go back to his place after.

Just like you, he had no part in raising me and I don't have that dad vibe at all. Its closer to a friend vibe but not at the same time. It is really hard for me to introduce my family, because there is no label that fits well.

I've lived like this for about 20 years and am curious how other children who have been part of a LAT relationship feel about it. After 10 years of gradually declining quality of life, I'm not considering a live-apart arrangement. The major stumbling block for me is cost - just as reducing cost is a major motivation for people living together, increased cost is a barrier to living apart. After a lot of retrospective talk therapy and communications coaching, it is becoming apparent to me that our "relationship" problem is a "living together" problem.

My partner does not like seeing the process. It is not sexy or enticing to her. She doesn't like the way I groom myself, handle myself around the house, or engage in my work. Further, she is constantly bothered by her own loss of individuality and independence. We both find it overwhelming to be in each other's constant presence, which creates a constant implicit demand on each other's time and attention.

VERY much like Alex above, we have different sleeping patterns, personal priorities, and standards of order in our living environment. My hope is that by living apart, we can recapture the original sense of romance and individuality we had early in the relationship without giving up the familiarity and care we have developed for each other over time.

That should be "now considering" a live-apart arrangement. An edit feature would be a valuable addition to the website. Hi, Just wondering if you followed through with your considerations living separately after cohabiting for 10 years and if so, did it work out? My partner and I after living together for nearly 10 years just agreed to try living in separate homes. Can't help but wonder how this might end.

My partner and I have 3 kids each, and he moved in to my house a few months ago. I feel like a bitch for resenting my space being invaded, but it's just not working.

Separate homes sounds like a great plan. I adore them all but feel like I'm losing my individuality and independence. Can't help but wonder how this might end My gf and I have been together for 3 years and we would like to get married. We are both divorced and each have 2 kids. I live in one state and she lives in the next state over. Just an hour drive. Kids are completely different, but we love each other deeply. My issue is I can't do that to my kids who have a life and school in my state.

Plus one of her boys has some issues that will possibly get worse through puberty. He can be a danger at times with his anger. I want to continue an marry her but live like we are. I need to communicate more when am not with her. Any thoughts? So I have always ended up in codependent relationships.

I had a very tiny violins upbringing and, as a result, tend to end up with people that I want to help. I know this isn't the healthiest thing, but I haven't been able to break myself of this yet. I have been with my partner for 4 years now, and we've lived together for almost 2 with a roommate. The living situation has all but killed our relationship it feels like.

I feel I am turning into a nagging parent more than an equal partner. I am much more concerned with tidiness than he is. I feel like I am living in a Hoarders episode most days and it makes me insane.

I've asked him to help clean, but he says it is not his responsibility to clean after me. I work full time, graveyard hours at a hospital, then come home to clean up after him every day. I have a list of gripes that I won't type out on here. He has his own list for me.

The thing is, I love him and want to make this work. I think he would be perfectly fine with things continuing the way they are now even though he recognizes that it isn't working.

I don't know what to do though. I am stuck in a position now where I don't know if we should stay together at all or try living separately. He is partially financially dependent on me because he has had a hard time finding a steady job.

Every 6 months he finds himself out of work and stressed out and stressing out the householdmopey and aggressive about it. I don't know. Is this how I want to spend my time on earth? I don't know why I am posting here actually. I feel like I am at my ropes end or in a corner or some other cliche. I think I just needed to vent. I'm pretty sure I know how this all ends and the thought of it makes me nauseous. Maybe living apart will help. I don't know what to do anymore. I was married for 10yrs and decided I needed a change for reasons of my own.

When we talked about it my ex said he really just didn't want to try, so we divorced. After 2yrs I am now in this type of LAT relationship with someone for almost a year. We live a couple hours drive from each other.

We figure we have a couple years before he'll be ready to look for a different job and I'm not moving anytime soon. We now see each other every weekend and sometimes that seems like too much. Sometimes not enough I just know it's given us time to get to know each other slowly and work out who we are as a couple and if we are truly compatible. I love him very much and I know he loves me too. Sometimes you have to take chances.

I would have been happy to keep my ex if he would have worked with me, alas he didn't. Love is a choice that needs to be made every day, no matter where you live. I mentioned to my husband of 19 years that in an ideal world we'd stay married but live apart.

I explained my reasons, which included the fact that I hate sharing a bed and bathroom, and the everyday domesticity of married life.

He is highly suspicious now, thinks it's just a cop out and that I want a separation. In an ideal world, I'd havevmy own place, space and time.

Yes, I love him. But I'd love him more and enjoy our relationship more if I saw him less. I've been married nearly 30 years. My children are grown and the idea of finally having my own space sounds wonderful.

I'm not sure I'm willing to throw away my marriage but would love to have my own space, clean house, and not have to cook when I do not want to. Without hurting his feelings, I would like to do what I want and on my own schedule. If you were happy with the way things are and didn't want them to change then you wouldn't have wanted to move in with him.

Maybe he needs an ultimatum. That said, re: zombie's post, I've been married for 9. It's been wonderful. I just wait until the kids go to bed before I drink beer on the couch in my underwear.

Compromise is important. I'd start spending some time alone at your place some nights. Rediscover yourself--invest less in what is going on with him, so that these things upset you less. Not living together after dating for 3. I don't blame you at all for being sad and upset.

It sounds like you both want different levels of commitment to the relationship, and an issue like that isn't going to go away--it's just going to come up more often. This is a little bit of a red flag for me.

Here's how to tell if your relationship is not on the right never talk about the future It's great to live in the moment, but if you don't make plans for relationship advice, when to break up, relationship trouble, dating, love and sex you're likely not content with what you have together,” says Levine. I remember him picking up a book half a year after we moved into that first 3. “If I did not live with this person, would I want to stay together or. Tl;Dr: Boyfriend keeps saying he's not ready to live together. . (very important!) and his clothes and see how it went over 3 months. . I was in your exact situation - dating two years, awesome relationship, good jobs, good.

Not a huge one, but something to think about. Does he generally have a habit of treating your statements like contracts or depositions, of ignoring your feelings and then pointing to something that you said as a kind of technicality to let him off the hook?

I mean, it's true that you gave him a choice, and I think he can be a perfectly good boyfriend and not want to live with you. It's less clear to me that he can be a perfectly good boyfriend and not care that you're hurting. Actually, that's my advice more generally - what I'd think about is whether this is a pattern of behavior, or is confined to this one issue.

If he's normally compassionate and cares how you feel, but not now, maybe he has some weird thing about his living situation. But if he generally ignores your feelings and doesn't care when you tell him you're hurt and you are telling him, right? The question is framed as "teach me mental hacks that will stop me from feeling bad about this!

The second formulation is a bad question that will inevitably receive bad answers: regardless of what sitcom culture may teach, there is no single "reasonable" approach to commitment, and the most that can be said is that the OP and her boyfriend may not be fully compatible in their instincts here which does not mean they aren't fully compatible as a couple.

But the first formulation "How do I feel better about" this? My own response to it: remind yourself that not all people share your instincts about how to express love, and that it is perfectly possible that your boyfriend loves you completely without feeling that cohabitation is a pragmatic or effective means of expressing that love. How can someone "feel better" about anything? Time, possibly, and meaningful conversations with the offending party.

You've asked for ways to feel better about this, and I think one of the big ways to do that is to realize that what this means to You is not, likely, what it means to Him. You feel like it's a rejection of you and your relationship.

He would probably say it's just protection both of you and avoiding risk his Point C. The good news is that he wants to spend time with you and continue the relationship. You didn't ask for this but I think it'd help you guys in the future if, after some lovely dovey time, you can help him to see why you were hurt, and talk a little bit more about his risk-averse and commitment-averse reasoning for making his choice.

From my standpoint this is most likely not a "rejection" or a sign that he is not "willing to commit". Commitment isn't just determined by where you put your personal material shit and where you sleep 7 nights a week. The dude's not ready to give up his castle. He values his personal space. That's all. He could be less wishy-washy about the whole thing though and just tell you.

However, setting deadlines like "I need an answer by November 1" for life changes that require significant insight would stress me out. I don't schedule my future and I'd rather take things at pace that allows for things to unfold naturally. Perhaps he is the same way. I'm of two minds in response to this question. On the one hand, I want to make snide remarks about the boyfriend, along the lines of the old saw about "Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free.

But ultimately I think biffa, two lights, musofire, Kangaroo, stranger danger, and zombieApoc are right: this boils down to a question of compatibility. It may be time to reevaluate whether you and your boyfriend can both be happy in the same relationship.

If not, maybe you should set each other free to find more compatible matches. And I agree with Kangaroo and muddgirl that what you are asking us for—a way to "feel better," "feel optimistic," and banish the "doubts and unhappy thoughts"—might actually be the opposite of what you need to be happy in the long run.

I'm not saying "Break up with him, stat"; I'm saying don't ignore your gut sense that this is a crisis point in your relationship. You don't have to just go along with his choice and be happy about it.

In most relationships, couples end up sleeping over at one partner's house more than the other. In this case, according to you it was his house that you stayed over at nearly every night. You don't say anything about his living situation -- lease, roommate, apartment-size, anything. Would moving in together require him to leave his current living situation, or had you hoped to just move in there? Either way there may be practical reasons that would make him reluctant. Though if that's the case, then there is a way to communicate that which still leaves you feeling supported emotionally, and he didn't manage to do that.

Honestly, this IS a "where is this relationship heading" issue and should be treated as such. If after this much time he isn't ready to embrace the idea of living together, he sure as hell is not considering any long-term commitments that are any more serious than what you've got going.

If that was fine with you, there'd be no problem -- but you are ready for more. People don't emotionally arrive at the same place at exactly the same time, but after 3. If you want to feel optimistic, you may need to concentrate on yourself, rather than making the best of this situation. Honestly, if you've been dating for 3. I see that you're That's an age kind of on the line of where one might feel too young to cohabitate and it being reasonable purely based on age vs.

I moved in with my then-boyfriend of a couple years when I was 22 and it was a mistake for sure. Some people just want more time to live on their own. As a non-religious person, I see living together as barely different from being married. The hardest part of being married seems to be being able to live together and work as a team, and you'll be doing that if you share a home.

More concerning than the fact that he won't move in with you are that he left you hanging for months, and that he doesn't seem to care that you're upset. You should probably sit down and have a talk with him about where you see the relationship going and your ideal timelines for milestones like moving in together and marriage. Hey everyone.

I appreciate all of the advice so far. In terms of the slant-invite question of "commiserate with me about this so-and-so," I think it comes across as that way because I am so miserable. I appreciate the sympathy and am definitely taking the commitment issues surrounding this seriously, but I'm not really in DTMFA territory quite yet.

On the him being on vacation thing -- we live in a city that is far away from both of our families -- we live in the midwest, I'm from Texas, and he's from the west coast. So far, we spend major holidays with our own families and take long vacations to our respective homes. I'm not mad that I'm not with him, I am POed that he decided to come back too late to help me move. I talked to him this afternoon. I think since the initial falling out after the moving decision, I haven't been doing the best job of articulating how hurt I am because I've been trying and failing to move onand I don't think he realized the extent of my anger and hurt, and he does feel terrible and wants to make a decision about where we're going.

He also feels like a jerk about not being here to help me move. I asked him point-blank if this is just a way of telling me he doesn't think it's going to happen for us, and I told him I cannot be uncertain about our future indefinitely. I told him we really need to start figuring out the nuts and bolts of our future or at least if we are going to give this an honest go with additional commitment and move together after my next lease is up in the next few months.

If it's not going to happen or if he can't make any further decisions, he and I will most likely break up and I will move back to Texas. I cry when I think about this because beyond this major issue we've got a really good and happy thing.

I would say that in general he is fabulous, compassionate, and a great boyfriend except for the whole lifetime commitment thing. I want to give this an honest shot, and that's why I want advice for thinking about the whole not-living-together in a more optimistic way. Strategies for thinking about this from his perspective and making me feel less miserable about this are very much appreciated. Y'all are awesome.

Oh, and one more thing -- he's 28, and I'm Why do you need to live together? In these exact words? Because if you did, I think that might be the problem.

Were it me being asked to move in with my SO in that way, I would have been very, very uncomfortable because the way that that sentence is phrased is not inviting or loving. It offers no benefits to the person you're asking, and is only about you, you, you. It's not even an invitation; it's a directive, and an ultimatum at that.

Sure, you've been together for 3. If it were me, I would rebroach the topic with him and say something along the lines of I realize now that the way I may have asked you to make this big leap of faith wasn't the best way that I could have asked you, and in highlighting all the things I needed, I neglected to propose some things that would be mutually beneficial if we were to go ahead and move in together.

I really love you, and since we've been together for so long, I just figured it was natural that eventually we should move in together, and when this opportunity arose, I was so incandescently excited about taking advantage of it that I completely didn't think to ASK you how you felt about the whole idea, and I'm sorry for that. I apologize, because I know that I've been giving you a lot of ultimatums lately. I definitely see a future with you for myself, and I hope that you could say the same.

How can we work together to see if we can really solidify who we are together and where we're going so that we can both feel safe and secure as a couple? Are you sure you're a couple and not just friends with benefits? I was with you until the vacation explanation above. Yep, we're a couple.

“After Ten Years, We Still Don’t Live Together”

He just doesn't get that much vacation time and wants to spend as much time as possible with his family, and I am the same. We've visited each other's respective homes and met each other's families multiple times, though -- I went on a family vacation with his folks a couple of months back.

Here's a thought - maybe he just doesn't understand the hassle of spending lots and lots and lots of time at someone else's house without actually living there?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 years. her boyfriend for over four years, they have a 3-year-old daughter together, and. If You & Your Partner Disagree On Moving In Together, Here's What To Do Next i.e. not rushing into living together because you feel pressured to do so, to be happy," adds Monica Parikh, dating and relationship coach at the School 3. Table The 'Moving In Together' Convo. Giphy. Once you and your. Couple gets three years in, isn't living together, and one party is v 3. “Sounds like he's content with the way things are and you're not. We postponed the original move in date for an entire year, and he still didn't want to.

I mean, it's totally a hassle, right? If I were in your situation, I would start by asserting that I wouldn't spend more than half-time at his place. You have a lovely, roommate-free studio apartment - enjoy it! Of course he's free to join you on those nights at your place. Perhaps it would give him a greater understanding of the difference between "living together" and "sleeping over", which it seems to me he doesn't quite comprehend seriously, I remember the period before my now-spouse and I moved in together - we couldn't make the move fast enough!

Furthermore, I think you might feel better if he is also making some visible "sacrifice" for the relationship, like taking on some of the burden of sleeping over. Some people are never ready to move in together.

Friends of mine got together, moved in, broke up. They got back together a couple of years later and have been living seperately in a happy relationship for a decade or so.

That may not be what the asker wants out of a relationship and fair enoughbut it doesn't mean: And he doesn't want to commit to you. But if you do want to feel better about things, well, listen to your friends bitch about never having space and time for their projects, complaining that they seem to get stuck with more than half the housework, grumble about "boys nights in" taking over the lounge for beer, farting, and video games, or their boyfriend's unbearable dork friend they hate coming over and hanging out.

Because those things all happen in your separate spaces, right? You don't have a room of one's own, you've got a whole house!

Good for you! What did he say in response? That has the potential to tell you a lot about what you're dealing with here. I think a 28 year old man is old enough to see what responsibilities come with commitment, marriage, kids etc.

And this guy very well might be unsure if he's ready for all that--"first she moves in, and then we'll get engaged, and then there's the whole wedding, and then we have a kid and AGGGH".

If he's not secure in his ability to provide for a family, he might very well want to put the brakes on, no matter how crazy he is about you, etc. But why should you change your whole life if he doesn't want to move forward with moving in, engagement, etc.? I'd say look for the silver lining, and be glad that you don't have to deal with his laundry, storing his guy junk, and all the rest of it.

Find a class, a book group, or something that meets a couple of nights a week, and don't spend every moment of your free time with him. Enjoy your own space. A and B are BS. C is true, but so what? You need to decide if his unwillingness to commit beyond the way things are now is a dealbreaker for you.

Making that decision is also how you embrace and feel better about what has happened -- either you will have decided that your relationship as is outweighs this problem, or you'll have decided you need more and to move on. Wilson at PM on December 30, I think it's time for you to ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to be married someday? Do you want kids?

You're three and a half years into a relationship that clearly isn't headed there. What happens when you're in this same spot after another 3. Best of luck figuring that out. I want to give this an honest shot " It sounds to me like he's the one who ISN'T giving it an honest shot. Poster, you're You still have youth on your side.

This guy is not it. Things are out of order. You're chasing him, and as someone else stated, giving him all your power. Men who are ready for "the next big step" are usually the ones doing the pushing, not the other way around. And I think you are hiding behind this "move in together" business. Just say that, stop beating around the bush. From someone who's been where you are and made the wrong decision, tried to stay and wait it out, to no availget out while you still have your youth.

If it's meant to be, he will step up and show you that he's serious. If he doesn't, be very grateful you let him go. As a counter-anecdote to some of the others here: my boyfriend now husband of 9 years had a similar response two years into our relationship when I broached the subject of moving in together.

It took him five years before he decided he was ready for that. Some people are just slow : I was very upset when he first responded negatively to my suggestion of moving in, since I took it as a personal rejection, but it was more about a him being happy with the way his life was, and not wanting to make any big changes, and b him being an introvert and liking lots of personal space.

Once I figured it out, I was happy to wait for his own timeline to emerge. But I wasn't too invested in the idea of living together right then, either - I thought it would be nice, and easier, but not essential.

The question is whether YOU can wait perhaps for years for him to decide he's ready? And can you live your life and enjoy your relationship in the meantime? Again, I want to thank everyone for the good advice. I spoke with my parents about everything pretty extensively, and they've offered any support I need whether I want to go back to Texas to figure stuff out for a while or just to be good friendswhich is awesome.

I'm not really ready to make any big decisions regarding our future either way -- I think the first order of business for us is some coupling counselling so we can talk with a neutral 3rd party about constructive steps we should be taking and more positive behavior patterns for the two of us.

I think if we have a neutral party there we can probably hash out more of the issues at hand. I'm not ready to get married quite yet, but I am ready to be able to say, "Hey! That's where we're heading. That's awesome! I think the advice about needing to think of myself and be a little more into self-care and doing my own thing is spot-on, as well as needing to be better about prioritizing my needs. I'm not ready to throw in the towel I love the dude, and I'm just not there yet, though I understand all the warnings about not throwing my 20s awaybut I am thinking constructively and developing an exit strategy for the relationship if it comes to that.

Not all couples want to live together. I could be madly in love with someone and I'd still want them to have their own place, even if they did stay over at mine or me at theirs 6 days a week. It's a bit annoying I think that just because a couple has been together for x amount of years that 'the next step' is living together Not everyone rolls like that, some couples can be together for years and very much in love but just prefer not to argue about who takes the bins out.

If he's refusing to live with you because he's not that into the relationship then it's fair enough to think he doesn't want to commit, you're more into it than him etc etc.

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