Main -> Hook -> 'Hooking Up' -- What Does It Really Mean? . HuffPost

'Hooking Up' -- What Does It Really Mean? . HuffPost

Sam Hunt - Break Up In A Small Town

When you're going out on a first date, there are probably a lot of thoughts running through your mind. No matter how you met, it's normal to be worried about how well the date will go, or whether or not it will turn into anything serious. Worry not, though, young grasshopper, because these red flags they just want to hook up , according to experts, will definitely help you suss out the folks who aren't for you, even on a first date. Listen, hookup culture is many things. For some people, it's great.

I really love dating.

Hookup culture

Sure, I complain about it to my friends especially after a string of bad datesbut deep down, I really love the feeling of possibility that comes with meeting someone with whom I feel a spark. There is, however, one major exception, and that's when folks just aren't open about what they want, whether it's a relationship, or a hookup.

All too often, it's easy for someone to string you along, but keeping your eyes open for behaviors that mean someone just wants to hook up might be a good way to guard your heart if you're looking for something more serious.

While apps have been a great addition to the world of dating in recent years, they have also added another layer of complexity to it, Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and relationship coach, tells Elite Daily. Identifying which behaviors can indicate that you and your date are on the same page, whether that be for a quick hookup or something more lasting, can be really helpful. Knowing the difference can save you a lot of time and emotional energy, which, if you're dating, you already know are precious commodities.

With that in mind, here's how the experts say you can tell when someone is looking to hook up, based on their dating behaviors. A match's first few messages to you can potentially give you a good idea of what they're looking for, according to Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

How far in advance do they want to set up your date? If you want to know if someone is just after a physical connection, Spira says to pay attention to how physical they are with you on the date. Do they keep a respectful distance while trying to get to know you, or are they all hands? They are showing you they want a physical relationship, and the sooner, the better. I'm well versed in mathematics, including probability, average vs median, understanding of the so-called normal or Gaussian curve, the Central Limit Theorem, standard deviations, the mathematics to derive these things, multivariate probability, correlation matrices, computer implementations of these, etc.

So, try me.

Might hook up

So far you've demonstrated zero actual mathematical understanding. You might have it, but you've not demonstrated it at all.

And I suspect the main reason you're not "clarifying" it for me is that you can't contradict what I said. Don't worry, I consider my academic qualifications, starting with my SAT math that got me into at a top college, more reliable than your assessment of me. Otherwise, you make some good points, though they're mostly poor ad hominem assessments rather than direct points about the subject matter.

I suspect you might actually have very little to add to the actual discussion. I think you're mightily stretching what you originally meant by "lack of self awareness" into the most general possible meaning of that.

You're right. Many surveys are flawed. It's always a mistake to embrace the results of a single survey. That's why I used two dozen to write the post. A large number of studies allows discerning readers to evaluate the weight of the evidence and come to reasonable conclusions even if one or more of the studies is poorly designed. But you seem to dismiss all survey research out of hand.

Surveys aren't perfect Reality is messy. People are unpredictable. Science isn't perfect. But survey research remains a useful tool—and I don't see any real alternative. Do you? Yes, I do see alternatives. First, well designed experiments.

If neither of you can host, only hook up in five-star hotels. Gay bathhouses are just trashy, and you might run into a gossip queen or a popular.

Second, data mining discussion boards and forums to find patterns and trends in the discussion surrounding sex. Third, behavioral observation of human interaction by clinicians in non clinical environments.

Fourth, if we are going to use surveys to determine anything about sex, the entire population needs to be represented, not just college students.

You just sited a study to justify your use of studies. While I understand that this is not exactly circular reasoning, it is damn close. First, What is a reasonable conclusion?

Is it evaluating data to make a good judgement? Is it finding the correct answer to a problem? Is it figuring out the correct interplay of the elements of a particular sociological problem?

Also, What is a discerning reader, and do they represent the majority of readers or the minority? Not trying to be a jerk, just pointing out how messy this can really get. I do dismiss almost all data gathered and conclusions drawn from survey. Too many people believe that surveys "aren't perfect".

This is a huge problem. They do not. They are so fundamentally flawed that they are useless scientifically. Now you can still use them, but you are basically lending scientific credence to what is essentially baseless opinion. This is not acceptable in the current climate of mental health problems that are growing in the western world. At one time, surveys were a useful tool, but that seems to have ended about years ago.

The older surveys were designed by people who understood the scientific method although not actually used in the survey processwere better trained at designing the surveys to eliminate variables that could lessen the accuracy of the data they were gathering, and were not pushing personal agendas as frequently as is currently being seen.

Peer review was also more thorough. You claimed to have authority about the attitudes concerning sex in this article, which is well written and well researched. I'm just pointing out that, although you followed the standard format for submitting an article, it unfortunately lacks credibility, not because you didn't do your part in researching it, but because the people that did the research you site, are incompetent.

Currently, I'm making the best effort I can to figure out what is actually occurring in our society in regards to sex and relationships, and when you stop giving weight to surveys, the picture changes. I would say "in addition", not as alternative. Surely you'd agree with that? Even what people will say in a survey is some indication of how people think, even if it doesn't directly or correctly answer the intended points of the questions on the survey.

And a lot of things you really can't ever run as a "good and clean" experiment for obvious ethical reasons. While I don't fully disagree with you that surveys are to be taken with a grain of salt I'm not so quick to disqualify the findings and here is why: this article sets out to answer the question of whether young people are having more casual sex than their elders.

And the answer is not necessarily, because for as long as there have been young people, there has been casual sex in some way shape or form. I think in the past, pre s it was just something people talked less openly about. And the brief history recap explains how sexual behaviour was shaped by major historical events. I feel that this article set out to do what it indicated it will do in the title and description: "disprove myths about modern sex". These myths are the way people stereotrype modern day young sexual behavior in a judgemental and narrow way because of a strict moral system or lack of information.

That's not to say however that certainly there are destructive sexual behaviors that some young people engage in that has unfavorable consequences.

The Top 10 Rules of Hooking Up

That is just not what this article about, but it does touch on it slightly with the alcohol induced sexual behavior that people do regret. And that's is a wide umbrella over what exactly happened that people regreted and why, etc. That's probably a different article all together that I'd be interested in reading and could prove educational for some modern day youths, since drugs and alcohol are very prevalent.

Yes, I will elaborate, but I will preface this with a disclaimer. None of my beliefs are based on religion or morality. I strictly look at the effects that behaviors have on the health of individuals and society in general. Child produced child pornography is being legalized in many states because the number of children producing it and being brought up on criminal charges is growing. Female teachers raping junior high age boys and girls is reaching epidemic levels.

Young boys are catching up to young girls in numbers of bulimia and anorexia cases reported. Transgendered people are still killing themselves even after sex re-assignment surgery. You might say that none of this is really related, but unfortunately it is. Don't get me started on relationship problems. It gets bigger and messier.

Similar to a "one-night stand," but it can happen repetedly. As long as the two people are not serious about eachother, and they have sex, it's hooking up. It's pretty obvious you're about to hook up for the first time, and you feel all types of ways. Nervous? Yes. Excited? Of course. But you might also. A hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sex encounters, including . The definition of hooking up can vary depending on the person or on the age group. It can range from acts that involve kissing, oral sex, or intercourse.

Next I want to address the rest of what you said in your reply. I want you to notice that you said "I think" and "I feel". Your thoughts and feelings do not matter. Neither do mine. Only facts matter. We do not really know what happened in the past in regards to sex.

We have only general abstractions of ideas and educated guesses. It is helpful in understanding where we MAY have come from, but it is actually impossible to make a side by side comparison between old behaviors and current behaviors, as this article has attempted to do. It is even harder to to make any argument about the normalcy or consequences of current behavior based on these comparisons.

Disproving these current myths is exactly what we need, but not by creating new myths, which is what is currently happening throughout academia. Finally, I'd like to say that reading and replying to you, Alice, has be an absolute pleasure. It's rare that someone is as thoughtful as you are in an online forum. Dating young and married young with one man.

All too often, it's easy for someone to string you along, but keeping your eyes open for behaviors that mean someone just wants to hook up might be a good way. Hook-up activities may include a wide range of sexual behaviors, such as kissing , oral sex and penetrative intercourse. However, these encounters often. Over half described a hookup as involving sex, nine percent described it as not including sex and about one-third said it could be ambiguous.

Marriage was tumultuous but stayed because of children and bad health. Had one affair early on after 10 years of marriage; that lasted a couple of years and ended badly. Later in life, fell in love with a man I knew from hometown but lived 3k miles away, on line through emails, phone calls and skype for almost 3 years.

Would You Hook Up With a Married Guy?

He died tragically. At 65, invited to coffee by school friend and talked for a couple of hours. Met again at the park and he tried kissing me and then a week later showed up at my door and the passion led to sex.

Afterwards, I felt shocked that I allowed this at my age mid 60's and my body just responded as I hadn't had sex for many, many years with my spouse. He made it clear he has a very good life with his wife except very little sex.

Have been "hooking" up for three months about 2x month. Not enough to fall in love with him because he is very quiet and he used to call me but now doesn't and sends infrequent emails. I would say I am being used, but then again, he is giving me something I was lacking and feeling empty. He has erectile problems and rather small sexually but gives me the attention I was lacking. How many seniors are experiencing something similar? I note that you mention as the year that "app-based hooking up became the rage".

The first apps didn't appear until and the first mobile dating app was, as far as my googling can tell meDNA Dating, which was released in So the data presented can't be attributed to apps between and and therefore, the changes in behaviour noted must be attributed to something else. Michael Castleman, M. He has written about sexuality for 36 years. They are mistaken. BDSM players are as sexually and emotionally healthy as the general population.

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Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Metaphorically Minded. Who Acts Out Aggressive Fantasies? Michael Castleman M. Wow Submitted by Ti on February 16, - pm. Get around town Submitted by Alice Morgan on March 12, - pm.

It's refreshing to see an objective take on what's really happening.

When you're going out on a first date, there are probably a lot of thoughts running through your mind. No matter how you met, it's normal to be. To read some of the coverage in Vanity Fair, Huffington Post, and the New York Times, one might think that hook-up apps propel every. It might be time to let a hookup site or app take the wheel. Sites like AdultFriendFinder and iHookup operate on the philosophy that meeting.

Thank you Submitted by Michael Castleman M. We know very little about sex. Submitted by Drosslemeyer on March 21, - am.

The entirety of this article Submitted by Gary g on March 21, - am. What would work better is Submitted by Drosslemeyer on March 22, - am. I'm not going to address the Submitted by Gary g on March 22, - am. What's the alternative? Alternatives Submitted by Drosselmeyer on March 22, - am. At one time, surveys were a Submitted by Gary g on March 22, - am. Submitted by Gary g on March 22, - am. Far reaching problems?

Submitted by Alice Morgan on March 21, - am. Submitted by Drosslemeyer on March 22, - am.

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